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Reality Affirmations

January 25th, 2007

[Words: 624, Reading Time: ~3 minutes] 

A personal affirmation or intention is one in which you start changing the person you are into the person you want to be. They usually start with I. “I am full of self confidence”, “I have high self esteem”, etc. This is the way most affirmations are phrased

A reality affirmation is one that changes the world around you. Whatever we state as fact is pretty much always a belief. Fact: People are cold and shut off. Fact: It’s violent in the city. Fact: Good jobs are hard to get.

All of these “facts” are just opinions and beliefs. Do they hold true all the time? Of course not! Are they true for everyone? Does everyone think like this?

Asking, “does everyone else think like this?” is a great way to test your limiting beliefs. If you can find someone, even just one other person, who has a more empowering view of life, you can begin to break down that old limiting belief and replace it with a better one.

Reality affirmations help fill in the gaps in your thinking. If you were to say “I have high self esteem but no one appreciates me,” you’d find situations where you are under appreciated. This would eventually lead to your self esteem lowering. You’d feel under appreciated and unvalued. If you’re feeling under valued, you’re also feeling unvaluable, which is incongruent with having self esteem, since self esteem means you see yourself as valuable.

Think how empowering it would be to have this as your belief: “I have high self esteem and everyone values and appreciates me”

Reality affirmations are how you’ll see the world if you already lived in your ideal reality and have become the person you want to be. Say for example you were having a lot of difficulty mastering a new skill or task. Instead of saying “Making friends is really tough,” you can change this to “Making friends is pretty easy.”

Obviously I’m jumping from one end of the scale to the other here. That’s in order to highlight the importance of using reality affirmations as well as personal affirmations. If you want help choosing what level you should pitch your affirmations, this post will help.

The real power of reality affirmations comes when we describe people. For example, you could say “People just pick on me” all the time. If you’re dwelling on this, this is what will happen. If you said “People are really kind” you’d find examples of this. Also, you yourself would be nicer and kinder to people. Whatever you want the people in your life to be you can affirm and create in this way.

Some people claim that the world is your mirror. The way we see the world is the way we see ourselves. So this is another reason why reality affirmations are worthwhile. If you see people or circumstances as not respecting or accepting you, it’s an indication of how much you’re respecting and accepting yourself.

You can use reality affirmations to change situations that currently make you uncomfortable. If you’re nervous in bars you can change this to say “the bars I go to are filled with really friendly, sociable people like me.”

Reality affirmations work best when used with personal affirmations. For example:

• Issue: Fear of public speaking
• Personal Affirmation: “I’m a great public speaker.”
• Reality Affirmation: “Public speaking is easy/exciting!”

Reality affirmations don’t just have to be about concrete things, they can be applied for everything you view in the world. If you’re always feeling rushed you can stop saying “there’s no time” to “there’s an abundance of time.”

Everything starts from inside, including the world around you. So start creating the world you want by seeing it that way.

Having Standards - An Excuse for Scarcity?

January 20th, 2007

[Words: 516, Reading Time: 2-3mins]

People come up with brilliant excuses as to why they’re not succeeding in life, why they don’t have the things they want.

An interesting one I’ve noted is that of “Having Standards”.

I’m all for having standards, I think knowing precisely what you want, what you won’t refuse to compromise and what you’d like but you’ll let slide if everything else is in order is a fantastic thing. It’s a huge part of self respect.

But having standards can be an excuse - you don’t want to associate with someone because you’ve standards. You won’t take a job because you’ve standards. You won’t go out with someone because you’ve standards.

Things that are rare have a value simply because they’re rare, scarcity = value. If everything met your standards they wouldn’t be very valuable. Or at the very least that would be the perception. You could feel like you don’t hold very high standards since if everyone has it, it’s obviously not difficult to come across and not a sign of a strong character.

You’ve heard the expression, “It’s hard to find something/someone who meets my standards.” This is an intention that you’re sending out that will make the things and people scarce in your life.

Wouldn’t it be better if you had an abundance of the things, experiences, people and possibilities that met your standards?

Think about it: What if instead of the dream job you wanted being one in a million there were literally hundreds of jobs and you had a choice of which one you wanted? Instead of their only being one person you could trust and be intimate friends with you had dozens to share in every experience? Instead of their only being one love partner for you you had the option of thousands?

Which way of looking at things would make you feel happier and more confident. If you’re living in scarcity you’re going to be anxious because there is so much riding on each outcome since you never know when the next opportunity will come along. You’re overly attached to an outcome and it’s not healthy.

So what to do? Should you give up your standards completely? Not at all.You should get very clear on what you want and what’s important to you. That way, when you meet new people and opportunities, you can look for those qualities in people. Note that I said look for those qualities, don’t notice in which ways they’re lacking the things you want. This simple shift in thinking helps you notice the quantity of quality you have in your life, and whatever you dwell upon grows.

Of course, cut out all those unhelpful expressions such as “It’s so hard to get good help these days” and “There’s nobody who really understands me.” Instead actively affirm that they are an abundance of people in your life with the qualities you want and admire.

Having standards is a defining characteristic of your self respect and confidence, just make sure you have an abundance of those standards in your life.

Related Post: Abundance, Scarcity, Winning and Confidence

Other Perspectives on Self-Respect

January 16th, 2007

I thought you might enjoy reading other people’s perspectives on what self respect is, so I’ve collected some insight posts and articles for you to enjoy.

Self Respect Test - I personally found this more humorous than in-depth but it ranks high on Google.

Self-Esteem vs Self-Respect - Places esteem on an evaluation framework and suggests that there is a constant element of judging. Defines Self Respect the way I’d define Self Acceptance. Useful insights and also provides an interesting respect test – how do you deal with a compliment?

Own your Self-Respect - Simple article to read. Explains how self respect goes a long way towards developing your personal values and how honouring your emotions is an integral piece of self respect

Getting Past Your Past Blog: On Self-Respect - This post links Self Respect with discipline. Ties in well with saying no to damaging thoughts, emotions and actions.

How to Gain Respect and Support for Yourself and Your Business - Life Coach Olakunbi Korostensky details points for gaining respect from others, key among them are knowing your values and standards, staying true to your integrity and honouring your boundary.

Building Self-Respect and Loving Kindness - Absolutely brilliant download on a list of virtues that constitute self-respect. They can work perfectly for affirmations as well. By David Richo, PhD.

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