What is Pride (Self Admiration)?
9 February 2007When I was writing out the 8 Components of True Inner Confidence I used the term admiration over pride because there’s a lot of negative connotations associated, erroneously I believe, with feeling proud.
Like most things, these concepts are vague and in need of clarification. I think that admiration(which I use synomously with pride here) has several different levels or feelings - mainly being “chuffedâ€; a deeper sense of satisfaction; and feeling honoured.
We all at one stage have had that feeling of being chuffed with yourself. You got the number, you scored the goal, your manager complimented you. You’ve a giddy little smile and almost can’t believe you’ve done it.
Ordinarily this feeling is only a fleeting one, and passes quite quickly. By acknowledging this feeling when it occurs, and getting a sense of it, you can learn to keep this feeling up through longer and longer periods of time. The intensity may not always be as high as what you experience right after the victory, but it’s a positive state nonetheless.
There’s a deeper sense of pride/admiration, one I believe that’s the most beneficial and empowering to your personal development and mental health. It’s the inner sense of satisfaction you get when you enrich another person’s experience or emotions.
The best personal example I can give is during the wake of my best friend, I gave a speech about him. The priest took what I said as the basis for his homily the next day. Throughout the after party people who’d been at the wake and knew me repeated told me I must have felt really proud when I heard that.
Honestly, I just felt overwhelmed with emotion at the time, but what I told people was that I felt glad deep inside that something I could say resonated with what people were feeling. That I was able to use my gift – being able to put in words and clarify emotions and states in a way that people can understand and develop them – to help people through it all.
This didn’t fit in with what I understood pride to be, but when I invested some time thinking about it I realised that this is a truer, deeper sense of pride and self admiration.
Isn’t that what you want to feel proud about anyway - that what you did and who you are has a positive effect on all those you care about? This deeper sense of satisfaction is the true essense of self admiration.
If you think of the people you admire, what do you admire about them? Why are you proud of certain people in your life? There’s probably a list of surface reasons including things they’ve done or accomplished. But really the reason you’re proud of people is to do with character traits rather than achievements. If they achieved their doctorate then you’re proud of them for any of the following reasons: dedication; commitment; intelligence; etc. If someone is extroverted are you really proud of them for the story told or do you admire them for their comfort; ease; energy; etc. You are proud of who people are moreso than what they’ve accomplished. In that same vein, you can feel proud of who you are, and not just what you do in any one particular moment.
You could say that as long as you do your best and are honourable with people that you’ll feel proud of yourself. However this is pride from the outside in. If you don’t do your best or fumble (as everyone does) you’ll feel ashamed because you ‘should know/do better’. If you work on this from the inside out, i.e. when you’re proud of what you do and who you are you’ll naturally give your best without much conscious effort.
It’s this deeper sense of satisfaction that you need to tap into. But how can you do that if you’re unsure of the effect you have on people?
First of all, you never know the effect you have on people. You simply can’t for a number of reasons: people mightn’t be able to express their gratitude; they mightn’t even be aware of how you’ve enriched them; social convention doesn’t really allow for expressing these emotions regularly and publicly in anyway.
Since you can never be certain, you can chose to believe that you enrich people’s lives with everything you do.
As regards what you do, what you do from moment to moment is of little substance compared to who you are. Your greatest value is in you. When you begin to accept this and believe it as true, you are always creating win/win situations for those in your life.
Feeling honoured is also another way self admiration manifests itself. When you feel honoured you’re quite proud to be part of something or to have a positive affect on someone.
A classic example of this is if someone told you they chose you to be their best man or bridesman, or asked you to be part of anything that’s dear to them, you’d say “I’m honouredâ€. Gatitude is pride in this situation.
The interesting thing about this is that feeling honoured also carries with it a feeling of humility. Which means it is possible to both feel pride and humility at the same time. This negates the idea that feeling pride leads to cockiness and arrogance.
To test this, say to yourself “I’m really proud of myselfâ€, then say “I’m really gratefulâ€. They feel almost the same, don’t they?
Simple Affirmations to bolster your pride:
• I’m quite proud of myself
• I’m proud of who I am
• I feel proud/honoured
• I’m chuffed!
Be Proud of who you are, you enrich the lives of those you admire
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