Finding the solutions to your problems
9 November 2006I’m a massive fan of the phrase “The way to solve 99 out of a 100 problems is to not to have  them in the first place.†Most of the time we’re looking to get out of sticky situations when it would be far better not to get into them at all.
When I coach Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I’m often asked how to defend a certain submission, like the armbar from underneath mount. My comical answer is usually “get a better guard†but there is a certain truth to it. To get armbarred from mount you have to have gotten taken down, had your guard passed, and got mounted before they could set up the submission. Even if you’ve no idea what I’m talking about the point is a lot of mistakes were made on the way to getting submitted. If you focus on improving those areas of your game that occur well before the armbar your skill will really improve and you’ll really see results. But, if all you do is focus on technique after technique to get you out of trouble you’ll never really have any true development. If you’re world class at getting out of sticky situations it must mean you’re world class at getting into them in the first place!
The problem is never where you think it is anyway. It’s either occurred earlier and only now you’re facing the repercussions or it’s on another level entirely than where you thought it was.
If a girl doesn’t return your text message or phone call it’s not because of the context of that particular message. It’s way more likely because you gave her no reason that she was unique or special to you. Just taking her number because she was the first girl who’d talked to you for more than five minutes doesn’t make her feel special. We all want to feel unique and special.
If you’re doing all the surface things that a confident person does: walking tall; saying the same words; dressing the same; leaning against the bar like you saw them do last night; high fiving people, etc., but you’re not seeing the same results it’s because you’re not carrying the same beliefs and attitudes that they embody. Also, because you’re consciously trying to replicate their actions they’re coming across as jerky and forced. It’s these subtleties that people subconsciously pick up on and which cause them to response unfavourably.
Running into problems will occur as you’re learning. If you weren’t putting yourself into new situations which forced you to come up with fresh solutions you wouldn’t be learning! And although I think it’s a good idea to ask “How do I avoid this thing happening again?†rather than “Okay, so how do I solve this problem if it comes up again in the future?â€
You could object to the above questions because they’re trying to avoid mistakes, and avoidance is bad because it is fear based. Firstly I think “How do I avoid this thing happening again?†is a very succinct way of getting what I mean across to you.
Secondly, and more importantly, is that you ran into that problem because of either:
a)Your “whatâ€, intention, or goal wasn’t defined clearly enough, or
b)Your thoughts, emotions or actions were out of alignment with your intentions.
Don’t worry, it all fits together nicely! 
Remember, the problem is never where you think it is, and if you want to solve 99% of all your problems, just don’t have them in the first place!
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